Friday, September 4, 2009

F%$*ed Up Fiction Press Friday Take 1

[Bloggers Note: As you can tell, I have started my blogging regime. Yesterday [Thursday] I was sick, so I couldn't bring to you the premiere of Tip-Top Thursday, but next week I will. However, I will need some help with it, so if you have a question, are in need of advice, or just want to see how Jenny does things, either contact me on facebook or leave a comment right here on my blog! As with this blog I am not sure how people will accept it, so I have to ask if you enjoyed this entry or you want me to change Friday's subject to a different one. Again, contact me through Facebook, or leave a comment here. With your cooperation, this could be a better blog, so please help me out! thank you!]

F%$*ed Up Fiction Press Friday
Here are a couple, REAL fictionpress story summaries. I cannot provide you with a link, because I don't want to cause any trouble. I am not advertising these stories because they're great and I want you to read them. I am advertising them because they suck so hard, they make me laugh.
First of all, let me explain to you a little bit about fictionpress. It's a place where people write stories and post it. There is a list of stories, and in that list, there is the title, the author, and the summary, and a link to each. From there, the summary is supposed to entice you so you click and read their story. Sort of like browsing a bookshelf, but a lot more dangerous because you don't know if you are going to click on a bad story. Unless of course, the summaries are like these below.
There is an unspoken etiquette for summaries. First of all, you need to write them in a way a book synopsis would be written. That means that you don't detail the character or the plot too much, because that gives away too much. And you DON'T use improper grammar or spelling. That is a dead giveaway that you're a horrible writer and nobody will read your story. And you definitely don't use jargon such as "MxM/FxF SLASH!" which translates to Male/Male and Female/Female gay sex. This is acceptable at to warn you that your favorite male characters have just been forced into a gay sexual relationship by somebody, but in an original work, it's a sure sign of lack of creativity.
These summaries break all these rules, and I frankly find it to be hilarious.
[Title Unkown]
Once upon a time there was a mummy who fell in love with a mortal girl they knew they could never be together we'll because he's dead and she wasnt one day her father found out and tried to kill the mummy but he never died.the father wanted revenge.
Ok wow, I've seen vampire, werewolf, and demon romances around fictionpress before, but I have NEVER seen a mummy romance! Read this as it sounds, without any periods or commas. It sounds great. I love how the only "correct" grammar the author used was for "we'll" which is the wrong word in this context
[Title Unknown]
There were 2 men one was named punk and the other was named sir.sir would yell at punk to throw more wood in his large fire when punk runs out sir gets mad and finds a boy made out of wood.sir runs over there and makes sure he was made of wood Woody says
The author just told the whole story in one horrible summary. So why even read? Well, unless you want to know what "Woody" is about to say. By the way, what a horribly creative name!
[Title Unknown]
Four vampires. Two females, one that likes to swear, another that is a bit scatterbrained. Add two male vampires, and one very small dorm room. Between classes, humans crushing on them, and problems back home what else could go wrong? Well, with them, alot
One that likes to swear? What a beautiful description! Now I know that one of your characters is a hard ass because she likes to swear! And uh-oh! A small dorm room and humans crushing on them? What is a vampire in college to do?? I guess, get into a lot of trouble according to this summary.

Hogwarts School of Martial Arts for Boys:
I'm not plagiarizing, the nutcase master of the school doesn't have any good marketing strategies- Colletta disguises herself to go to the martial arts school stated above, THE PROBLEM; she's a girl-throw in a hot jerk and chaos ensues...
Oh, this has all the delicious qualities of a fiction written by a dreamy 14 year old emo girl. One, you have Hogwarts [YES PLAGIARISM!] turned into a martial arts school. Next, you have a girl surrounded by men, and I would bet you that they're ALL attracted to her. Except for this "hot jerk" who pretends he doesn't like her but is secretly in love with her. But it's not all so perfect. Apparently the master of the school has no marketing strategies! OH NO! and chaos will soon ensue.

Tainted Love:
Warnings: Yaoi, M/M Slash, Cursing, Death, Violence, Abuse, Rape, etc. Four teenagers going through a life of hell. Abusive fathers. Parents that abandon their young children. Parents that don't care about their children at all. Loss of relatives
Can anything worst happen to these kids? On top of death, violence, abuse, and rape, there's cursing! Like the word "fuck" is just as bad as getting beat. So you have these two males who have horrible lives and are gay for each other. I don't think you can find a story that tries as hard as this does. Oh, and do you think we get the point that this is about a homosexual "couple"? The author has to remind you three times in three different terms just to get it through to you that they're gay. Thank you, I understand, abusive rainbows just shine out of your summary.

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