Sunday, July 5, 2009

I Have Learned...

That you really can't force anything. Sometimes, there's a rock that just refuses to move and you need to leave it alone and stop pushing it.

I am the one who will stay at the rock from morning until night and push and push, persistent in trying to get it to move. I will push until someone comes up to me and tells me that it's not going to move and to stop. And I will most likely lean on that rock and cry through my frustration and heartbreak.

I cannot leave things well enough alone and I refuse to give up. Sometimes this is nice. Other times, it really gets you nowhere but exactly where you were before, but crying on a rock this time.

Sometimes I think that I'm "go-with-the-flow" and I am up for anything, anytime, anywhere. But truthfully, I'm not. And I have learned that I need to know things ahead of time and have it in my mind otherwise I will get extremely confused. I cannot make plans an hour before they need to happen and I cannot have plans changed on me without getting very frustrated. This can be a hassle to those around me who try to do things differently and are met with my hard, frustrated head. I can end up throwing fits and getting my way, but end up hurting those involved or making them sacrifice what they want.

The truth is, I am not a very relaxed person no matter how badly I want to be. I am actually pretty uptight and anxious.

While my 4th of July was horrible, it was a learning experience and it was a definite slap in my selfish face. I want to apologize to those I stepped on through the night, and turn my cheek to those who stepped on me.

1 comment:

  1. Good insight. You have never been a "go with the flow" kind of person. You have always wanted it your way at the cost of others with no compromise. And yes, you always have needed to plan things out and want it to work out exactly as you orchestrated in your mind. Did you learn anything?