Thursday, January 7, 2010

The Death of The Childhood Dream.

I am holding a funeral. A funeral for my childhood dream which has recently died a pathetic death of disillusionment.

I will miss it. I will miss the days when I would lay in bed thinking about being a superman-less Lois Lane [because unlike Lois, I need no Superman to be a noteworthy character] and climbing to the top to be Ms. Editor-In-Chief. I will miss searching for newspapers that I can intern at, and I will miss wondering exactly what kind of journalism I will be doing.

Most of all, I will miss the way the dream of journalism wrapped me in its arms and said "It's ok, I am what you are supposed to be doing". This childhood dream made me a confident and goal oriented person. With its death, I feel like I am nothing once again. I feel like I am wandering the career and educational world like a dirty straggler that nobody wants around.

How could it just die like that? And with no warning! How could it leave me to pick up the pieces and find a new life mate? I find myself cursing at the heaven where all childhood dreams go, and I also find myself thinking that I personally killed this dream and it is bitterly looking down on me saying "How could you do this to me? I loved you so much".

Dear childhood dream, I don't know how it happened. I feel betrayed that you died and left me lonely. And I know you feel betrayed when I look at other options so soon after your death, but you have to understand that I have to move on. You were great to me, you gave me purpose and comfort when everything went wrong. I will miss you.

When you break up with first true love, it's hard to love again. And when you lose your childhood dream, it's hard to dream again as well. But there is one I'm thinking about.
The Dream of Business.
A cafe.
A dream I've had since I was 12 years old.
A childhood sweetheart.
I am tentative and I am stepping into this relationship slowly.
I'm taking Intro To Business Management for our first date.
Wish me luck!


  1. Good luck Jenny! You can do it. I love reading your blog. Dee (Maggies On Main)

  2. Thank you so much, you're a great reader :) I hope things are going good in Michigan! Perhaps you will have to give me some pointers on starting your own business?

  3. Whoa whoa! Why did that dream die in the first place? I do not understand?!

    But good luck with the new one :D

  4. I don't know how it died. I woke up one morning and it was laying on my floor, grey and with x's in its eyes!

  5. I understand this so well that's what happened to me at the University of Toronto, I went in with a purpose I wanted to be a research scientist I left hating science and wishing I didn' I am lost and scared that i will never find what I was meant to do.