Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Why Natalie's Rap Empowers Me

The Lonely Island is popular for its comedic songs “I’m On a Boat” and “Like a Boss”. While those are great songs and all, my favorite song on their recent album Incredibad has to be “Natalie’s Rap” from a 2006 SNL skit which turns sweet little Natalie Portman (of indie and sci-fi fame) and turns her into a “bad ass bitch”.

Sometimes, I like to call this song “Jenny’s Rap” because if you take out the face-shitting part and add in a baby joke, I would say pretty much everything in this song.

Because deep down inside, I’m an angry white girl with penis envy.

Go ahead, ask me; “What you want Jenny?”
Ask me; “What you need Jenny?

Natalie’s Rap is actually an empowering song. Every time I hear it, I just want to run outside and fuck shit up—smash a chair into the window of a car, walk down the street in high heeled boots and a hoodie and threaten people, kill something… you know, normal destructive things. And sometimes in life, you just have to say “You shut the fuck up and suck my dick!” even if you don’t have a dick. Especially if you don’t have a dick, because people will be too scared and confused by your mental state to do anything about it. And let’s face it, penis’s are power.

Next time you’re doing something you shouldn’t, and a little old voice pleads to you inside your head to “think about the children!” you just have to think “All the kids looking up to me can suck my dick!” Life is too short to think about the children.

And despite the penis envy, it’s actually a great song for empowering women. Natalie doesn’t let men play with her—she uses and abuses them and kicks them out when she gets what she wants if she doesn’t beat them up first. And with lines such as “Fuck your man, it’s my name that he’s screaming!” she knows they all want her and that she can get away with it. With so many girls bowing at men’s feet now a days because they give them the one and only thing girls want—attention—Natalie is one of the few women out there who can practice self-love, and get the physical part done by a man that she doesn’t really need.

I so admire her.

Other than that, in this song you have elements of drunk driving, drug use, bitch slapping, and killing dogs for fun, which just wraps all the other empowering lyrics like caramel in a bowl of the most bad ass vanilla ice cream you’ve ever tasted.

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